Counseling to counsel

It's time we change the way we treat victims of sexual abuse.

You recently witnessed the brutal death of Soumya and may have heard about the sexual assault of CBS news correspondent Lara Logan. I’ve been horrified by some of the comments I’ve read about sexual crimes. The irrelevant information seems to have no bounds.

More than three decades ago, Psychologist Martha Burt coined the term 'Rape Myths' to describe the prejudicial, stereotypical and nonsensical notions about rape, rape victims, and rapists. Rape myths are widely believed and can help justify aggression and sexual violence. On a psychological level, rape myths also cause us distance ourselves from the victim. For example, "this could never happen to me because:
1) I would never have worn a short skirt, 2) I never walk alone at night, 3) I never board a night train, 4) I would not have been a journalist in Egypt" and so on.
It’s time to acknowledge and challenge these false beliefs so that we can begin to support victims of sexual violence, better.

Do understand:

Anyone can be sexually assaulted. Sadly, there is data showing men, women, old people, children, even sex workers can be raped. Studies of the general population suggest that approximately 22 percent of women and 4 percent of men are sexually assaulted in adulthood. As many as 25 percent of girls and 8 percent of boys are victims of childhood sexual abuse. Most people, regardless of their gender or ethnicity react to sexual assault in a similar way- with anxiety, shock and major depression. What seems to make a difference is whether victims have help available- people around to love and support them.


Sexual abuse is a violent crime. We need to start treating sexual assault like any other violent crime- mugging, stabbing or murder.

Most sexual assaults involves people we know, and not strangers and are often offshoots of domestic violence.

Lend a hand:

If someone you know is sexually assaulted, make sure you listen to them carefully. It can be the hardest thing to do- but we know that support plays a key role in helping people heal.

Don’t jump in with stories of your own traumatic experience. It’s human nature to want to let a survivor know you understand them and to give details of a traumatic event you’ve experienced or heard about. Resist this urge because a survivor doesn’t need to deal with another traumatic event while her own memories are still afresh.

Let the survivor set the pace of disclosure. It can be tempting to want to find out all the information you can about the assault, but remember that you are probably not in law-enforcement. This is not the time. The survivor may not be yet ready to speak out everything.

*Second guess your questions. What we say and do can help the victim in the healing process- but they can also make a survivor’s mental health go worse. Because of the stigma attached to sexual assault, many survivors are already in shame, guilt, and are thoroughly confused. So ask yourself, “Can I wait to ask that question about the assault?” For example, right after an assault, it is definitely not the time to ask about what the victim was wearing, or why he or she was in a certain place or with the perpetrator.

Finally, be yourself. If you don’t know what to say, just admit that and SHUT UP. Give the survivor a chance to tell you what she needs to.

If we work together, we can help many victims heal from the wounds of sexual assault. It’s high time we change the way we treat victims of sexual assaults.

AND ITS HIGH TIME FOR THE SEXUAL VICTIMS TO REALIZE THAT THEY ARE INNOCENT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AND SO ITS NO REASON TO COMMIT SUICIDE.
IF YOU CAN'T ESCAPE (Martial Arts can take you a long way in this regard), CO-OPERATE IN THE ACT, THOUGH UNWILLINGLY. DON'T FEEL HUMILIATED SINCE YOU ARE NOT A WILLING PARTY TO THE ACT. YOU CAN SPRING BACK TO A NORMAL LIFE LATER.

Thank you and enjoy the rest of your week,

Love,

Prof. Dr. Alex Abraham Odikandathil